Drive by Blogger

I woke up at 3:12 this morning without the help of my alarm. It is this strange habit I have developed over the years to wake up way before my alarm goes off.  I don’t know if it is a blessing or a curse, but somehow it enables me to never miss a flight.  I wake up pretty quickly.  I am not one to lolly gag in bed or procrastinate and hit the snooze button.  I normally jump out of bed and before the delirium hits me, I say, “today is going to be a great day, thank you for letting me breathe it in”

I showered, shaved and brushed the fangs, gelled the hair and made sure the manscape still looked good.  I proceeded to put on some underwear, pants, shirt, socks and shoes.  I said a little prayer for my mother that she may have a day with no, or minimal pain and that she may get the rest she needs.  I prayed that uncle Don would have a great day and maybe get in some putts in the afternoon.

I proceeded to finish up the packing and made sure to do a mental check, camera(s): check, socks and underwear: check, toothbrush and deodorant: check, belt and cell phone charger: check.  ”All is good”, I said as I grabbed my bags, switched off my desk light and headed for the door.

As I stepped outside, I noticed the sounds of tranquility.  It was cool out, about 68 degrees with about 10% humidity.  I could hear crickets and the occasional owl as I loaded my car and shut the door. I sat outside my car with my eyes closed and just breathed in the cool air.  I let it fill my lungs and coarse through my veins.  It seemed like an eternity, but it was actually only about 2 minutes.

The drive to the Parking Spot, where I always park my car, was enjoyable as I put music on through Spotify, a new on demand music service.  I remember saying to myself as Jimmy buffetts Boats, beaches, bars and ballads came on, that it would be the one album I think I could listen to over and over again if I were stranded on a deserted island.

When arriving at the parking spot, I parked in a spot that was a good year for me. As I made my way down to the shuttle, I was the last passenger on and sat kind of in the jump seat.  I remember looking to the back of the bus and saw 3 of the most beautiful red headed children that I have ever glanced upon.  The daughter in the middle beamed a smile to me that warmed every ounce of my being.  She radiated love and everyone on the bus was smiling and laughing and radiating with her.

I checked in quickly and the gate agent for Delta was friendly and very efficient.  Within 5 minutes I was headed to my gate. I stopped at McDonalds to get a cup of their coffee, which I must admit, I am a fan of.  The coffee was not too bold and the flavor soothed my palate.  I enjoyed the cup slowly as I composed my thoughts.  In all it has been a full day and it is only 5:55 am as I look at the clock.

So as you go out and make your day, take notice of the day.  Listen to the sounds and find the priority in your life. Smell the coffee, hear the birds or the stillness of the moment, and notice those around you.  All of these things are what make your day what it turns out to be.

Until next time…

My apologies to many of my family and friends as I have not posted in a few weeks. I have been busy with work (which is a good thing) and finally settling into some semblance of a routine. Life has been mysterious to say the least.

So many of you may or may not know about my mothers battle with cancer. Back in 2002 mom was diagnosed with cancer of the mouth (tongue specifically). Through chemo, radiation, good nurtrients, oxygen powder, and the love and devotion of my aunt Christina and Uncle Don, she beat the cancer and was in remission.

All of that changed in February of this year when we noticed she had lost lots of weight and her speech became obstructed. Christina brought her to the doctors office and my mom was poked prodded and had her justice obstructed. After a week, the biopsy confirmed that she had cancer. It was a different cancer than the last time,but cancer none the less. We waited anxiously to find out about the cancer and if it was treatable.

The news we got was devastating and we as family got together and decided what would be the best course of action. My mothers oncologist, Dr. Goldstein, decided to put her on a mild dose of chemo to help, hopefully reduce the pain, and keep the tumor from growing. Pain medication would be given as needed.

For the last 4 months life has changed drastically. I visit the hospital where she stays at least once a day, if not more if i can pull it off. Daily routines are the norm and schedules have to be worked out.

Here are just a few of the things i have learned.

• Cancer doesn’t care if your rich or poor
• Cancer will never wait on you
• Cancer hurts everyone Cancer causes depression, not only in the directly affected, but those around. My mood is crap sometimes
• Cancer doesn’t have to fight fair Its hard to sit and watch someone die so painfully
• It tears apart more than just the person with the disease (per jen marsh) Thanks jen–so true

Update: So I just got home on Monday and mom seemed in good spirits. The occational pain in the mouth but nothing that her RN couldn’t fix. Lately it seems that the pain is getting worse and more unbearable. Today, I lost it. My anger overcame me and I lashed out. I am so angry that this disease. I am also pissed and not sure that I believe in the man upstairs anymore…I have lost my faith. I know lots of people will be shocked or outraged by this, but

1. Why would God or the almighty allow this to happen to such a sweet woman. She has never done anything to deserve this fate.
2. What is the purpose of such pain. She doesn’t deserve this. I sit there and realize there is NOTHING I can do but watch her die
3. Hope is a losing battle when when you don’t see progress. Everyone tells me Hope is all you have but to me, hope is a long hair that I am holding on to one side, trying to lift up an elephant on the other side

My wish for my mother is this. I wish she could go peacefully to that other place. It makes no sense to keep her holding on while she is in such pain. I know we only have one life, but the truth is I hate seeing her this way. She deserves better than this.

I found out my numbers from a Numerology site yesterday. I have to say that most of it was dead on. The part that I am stuck on is I am a “healer” and look how well that worked out for my father and now my mother. The more I live the more I realize how random this whole existence is. In the movie I saw last night, Thomas Hayden church had a great line: “The two things we need in this life are sunlight and people”

I apologize for my rants, but I am very logical and can’t figure all this business out. My friend Robert once told me in his office, the more I learn, the less i know. This has never been more apparent than at this time in my life. Thank you all for your support and love. I truly appreciate you reading my blog. I wish i could cure her but I don’t feel that is in the cards.

Until next time…

I still smell of smoke from the casino and chlorine from the pool.  The room was a wreck when we left it and I am sure the maids will be swearing in some language other than English when they enter the room.  I am sure it is not the worst they have ever seen.  The days were much shorter than I actually remember them.  Worst of all, we missed the Soundgarden concert, however in the grand scheme of things, its all good.

Did we have a good time.  Hell yes…its what you do when your turning forty.  You have fun and party like its 2099.  Long days at the pool and food with great company and awesome friends, one old and several new.  My problem or my curse is that I meet people everywhere I go.  You either love me or hate me, but either way, you will always remember me.

At one point in the trip, i woke up naked, couldn’t find my phone, my wallet and didn’t know where the hell I was.  I swear I was ruffied.  After gathering my senses, and finding my belongings and realizing that we were only 5 hours late in attending the concert, i threw some pants on, and sat on the sofa and just laughed.  Why is it when we come to vegas we get silly and move away from logic?  Why is it that its more acceptable to make an ass of yourself here then it is anywhere else?

Noah had a hellacious time and lets just say that at some point both of us were woken up by security at the pool.  Noah didn’t look that good at 145 in the morning when we decided to go to Mr. Luckys and grab breakfast.  Seems we weren’t the only one with this brilliant idea.

I may need to check into the Betty Ford clinic when I get back to LA.  I don’t know how my liver function is if it is at all, but I think I did it up for a lifetime with this trip. Who knows, I may be saying this again at 50.  I do know that all we have is right now, so live it exactly that way.

Perhaps I have a problem, or maybe I am just allowing myself to grow old semi gracefully.  Would I do it again, hell yes.

Until next time…

That resonates with your spirit and every fiber of your being.  This could not be more true than the recent release of City and Colours, “Little Hell”.  I heard one of their songs in Starbucks this morning while enjoying my morning coffee.  At first, before I even started the download, and picked up the little 1 1/2 by 3 inch card that Starbucks keeps at the register to show case new musicians, I thought, “okay, here is another band in the mediocrity of sound”.  I couldn’t have been more incorrect.

The song I downloaded was “Fragile Bird”.  Its got a great animated but open feel to it.  The song infused values within me in such a way, that I couldn’t help but feel my spirit move.  The opening guitar chords begin like any other, but when Dallas Green begins to sing, its like you have just injected pure euphoria and overwhelming emotion into your being, much to the likes of heroin. Some lyrics: “When she sleeps.  There is a fever dream, yeah. It brings a night terror. To harm this fragile bird. She speaks in tongues. Her words they come undone, yeah. And with a wayward mind she struggles through the night. All that I can do Is hope she makes it through Through the night Through the night”

I found myself relating to every song on the album as if, Dallas had sat down with me himself and said, “Hey I am writing an album of your life, this is the finished product, What do you think?”  As I sat in the starbucks enjoying my soy misto and devouring each lyric as if it were a freshly baked cookie from my grandmothers oven, I couldn’t help but tear up on some of the songs.  I had to look around a few times and see if Ashton Kucher was going to jump out from behind a pop up and say, “You’ve been punked bitch”.

As I listened to each song, it was surreal like Alice in Wonderland as I began to pull pieces of my life out of this lyrical poetry.  I continued listening to the sounds that, in my humble opinion, sheer genius, Dallas Green assembled, into a mesmerizing masterpiece of sound and inflection.  ”Grand Optimist” reaches in to you and makes you realize that we are all pessimists because of our life and the things that influence us.  Some lyrics are:  ”I fear I’ll die from complications, complications due to things that I’ve left undone.  That all my debts will be left unpaid, feel like a cripple without a cane.  Im like a jack of all trades who’s a master of none.  That last lyric is true to my core as I am exactly that…

Little Hell is a reminder of all the things, the trials and tribulations that we have to go through in order to live.  Life is no guarantee, and we were never promised that it would be easy and sometimes when we dig deep, we realize that we are the cause of others pain, because we are not perfect.  The opening lines: “What if I can’t be all you need me to be. We’ve got a good thing going, we have some promises to keep.  But my addiction it can be such a detriment. Please believe in this my dear, I am more than penitent”

The final song, “Hope for now” resonated so loudly within my soul that I couldn’t help but feel a great release as he was singing it.  It feels as if it is my theme song for my life.  Once again, its as if Dallas followed me around and decided to write this album and finish it up with this song.  The lyrics are poignant: “This highway’s dark and empty. Just miles and miles of endless road.  I’ve got a sickness pounding in my head.  I’m at the mercy of the ghost.  What will it take to live as if I would not another day?  To live without despair, and to be without disdain.  How can I instill such hope, but be left with none of my own?  What if I could sing just one song and it might save somebody’s life?”

Don’t take my word for it.  Go out and download the album yourself. You may not relate to the entire album, but I am sure you will find yourself resonating with the lyrics and enjoying the melodies.  Let yourself breathe as you listen and admire this great piece of work.  I hope you enjoy and get as much out of it as I did.

Here is the link to download: http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/little-hell/id434803087

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Little-Hell-City-Colour/dp/B00535RSVQ/ref=sr_1_1_digr?s=music&ie=UTF8&qid=1310074529&sr=1-1

Until next time..

One of the reasons that I truly love my profession, is the insane amounts of traveling I do as well as the destinations that are miraculously assigned to me.  I am in awe that many people save their whole lives to be able to travel to one or two really good trips a year, and in my case, it happens on a weekly or monthly basis.

I was unsure about my trip to Toronto, or that I would even like it there. At first I was glad to be completing my Canada collection (Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto).  Toronto has a big city feel but at a much more casual pace.  The people were extremely friendly and nice, the women are among the most beautiful that I have ever laid eyes on and the winters are enough to keep me very content where I am living.

CN Tower at night

Toronto could be compared to the likes of Chicago, New York, San Francisco and Hong Kong, all bottled up into one nice and tidy little package.  The Canadian dollar (CAD) is higher in value than the US Dollar.  At the time of writing this article it was about 1.02 CAD to 1 USD.  The economy (in downtown) seems to be doing very well.  Real Estate is at a prime and there are very few buildings with empty space in them.  In talking to the locals they say the unemployment is at about 9% which has been steady for the past 5 years.  When i was in Vancouver 10 years ago, the USD was 1.20 to CAD 1.00 and unemployment was about the same.

Toronto city view

I decided to stay a bit longer than usual on this trip as I wanted to sight see in Toronto.  I booked a late flight back on friday night so i could walk around and see the city.  I knew I wouldn’t have a whole lot of time to spread my wings, so I decided to check out the waterfront and the CN tower, as both were very close to my hotel.  I walked about 3 blocks from my hotel and ended up at the waterfront, very close to Lake Ontario.  One thing i really love about Toronto is that on every other corner, you can find a bike to rent.  That is when I met her, her name was Bixi and she wasn’t as pretty as the others but she had a good set of wheels on her.  I gave my cc to the machine and agreed to have her back in 24 hours, but really all I needed was 1.   I eased into her as I was not sure what she was capable of, but she had three speeds and said she would go anywhere.  I played with all her gears and found the speed right in the middle was perfect.  At first I headed east as far as I could go and then turned around to head west.  Toronto has a great biking running trail along the water.  I only took it for a few miles before I had to turn around and head back.  There are lots of parks and places to just enjoy nature along the trail.  Before long, Bixi and I had to say goodbye.  I was thankful for her service and what I was able to see of the Toronto area.

my girl-Bixi

Upon arriving back to the hotel, I finished packing my things and headed down to the concierge and asked about the CN Tower. I was greeted by a very friendly bellman who took my bags and gave me a claim check and then I was off.  Im not really into touristy things that much.  I enjoy the history of the touristy things more so, such as when construction started, how long it took to build, and facts about how many people visit as well as the numerical relevance of the tourist item to the rest of the world (e.g how tall something is compared to other things, is it the largest of its kind, e.t.c).  The elevator ride up took 58 seconds and by the time I got to the viewing deck, I was hungry so I stopped at the restaurant and had lunch.  It was very peaceful and relaxing eating and seeing Toronto from above.  After lunch, I headed up to the skypod which is the tallest observation deck in the world.  It was a pretty cool view, but unfortunately it was cloudy and visibility was decreased.

Toronto up high

After finishing my time at the CN Tower, I headed back to my hotel, where I claimed my bags and headed down to get my car.  I was greeted by a doorman who then introduced me to my driver, Abhas.  He was a very nice man from Pakistan who had been living with his wife in Toronto for 11 years.  He drove me by the Blue Jay Dome, where they were going to be holding awards for Bollywood that night.  Apparently the whole city was buzzing because of this event.  People had come from all over the world to see this event.  One lady was camping outside the barracks a full day early.  Abhas and I had pleasant conversation all the way to the airport.  He shared interesting facts about the city, his life and the weather.  He had a way of bringing a smile to your face.   When I hopped in the car, I asked if he took credit cards, and with a smile that bordered on being facetious, he said, “Why not?”

Abhas-my driver

There was a little bit of traffic, but Abhas got me to the airport by 5:00 pm.  My flight wasn’t until almost 8 so I was actually okay on time.  We said our goodbyes and he gave me his card and said to call him anytime if I needed transportation when in Toronto.  I made my way inside where I was greeted by a very pleasant Delta gate agent who informed me that I wouldn’t be able to make my connection in Minneapolis.  She booked me on a direct flight on Air Canada back to LAX.  It could have been “Lost in Translation” or just a complete miscommunication, but 2 hours in customs lines, two terminals and 30 minutes in a security line later, I was ready to board my flight.

Air Canada Entertainment center

In all it was a fantastic trip.  Air Canada has fantastic service and comfortable seats.  My seat had a large TV screen and a charging outlet for both USB and 110.  I arrived in LA earlier than scheduled and my bag was the fourth off the belt at baggage claim so in all it was a great day.  I know many of you don’t have the luxury or time to travel, but if you do, get off your asses and go see the world.  Toronto is checked off as one of the great cities in my adventure in life.

Until next time.

Have you ever noticed that when you speak or hear a positive or encouraging thought, it stays with you?  Like when someone gives you a compliment, or congratulates you on a job well done, or appreciates who you are in a moment?  What about when someone does something good for you, or you do something good for someone else?  I used to make it a regular point in my life (once a week) to buy the person behind me coffee in line or maybe buy their breakfast.  I have to admit that I was being selfish.  I enjoy doing stuff like that and it makes me feel good, not just for that moment but sometimes for a few hours, a few days or even a week.

Defining yourself isn’t as easy as saying that “well I had a shitty childhood” or “I haven’t been the best mother or father” or “I am an alcoholic or drug user”.  It starts with this moment right now and moves forward with you.  Your past only defines you when you allow it to.  You should remember to stay in the moment and not project your shortcomings into your future.  The future isn’t written in stone, nor should you think it is.

You can choose to “hate” or you can choose to “love”, the bottom line is the choice is yours.  Where do you find yourself more often, hating or loving?  What feels better and which would you prefer to revel in?  The more you love, the more you get back.  The more you hate, the more you become hated (specifically by your mind).

Moments come and go and you have to be cognizant of where you spend them.  If you are feeling the love, then you are sending it.  If you feel down and depressed and unneeded,  more than likely, you are sending that energy out.  Remember, we are all energy and we vibrate at a certain level, the higher the level, the appreciated you feel, the more you are attracting that high level energy.  The same goes with the lower your vibrational energy, the lower you feel, the more you attract that lower energy level.

Become aware of where you are and make the most of it.  If your not where you want to be, change your energy level.  The rewards are exponential in either direction you choose.

Until next time…