First and foremost, to all the Mothers, Mommies, Moms  and soon to be’s that read my blog, Happy Mothers day to you.  It always amazes me that we only take 1 day to really appreciate Mothers, when in actuality, it is a 365 day appreciation.  To me Mothers day is like confessional.  Its a day when all kids and husbands confess all that they haven’t been able to do and appreciate “Moms” for all they do.  The reality is Mothers day, and Fathers day for that matter,  should be everyday.  I also don’t want to get into the which is more important Mothers or Fathers because this is mothers day we will stick to the subject at hand

So I lost my Mother almost 2 years ago to cancer and not a day goes by that I don’t wish she was still here.  There is something about having a Moms perspective in life that seems to make things right.  Often times we don’t want to hear it because it goes against what we think we know, or maybe it is because we let pride get in the way, but the deep truth is Mothers tend to give us a sense of direction, purpose and right our off kilted ship.  My Mother used to give me little nuggets of wisdom that still ring true

Mothers have a way of soothing what ails us.  The comfort of their touch on our forehead when we are not feeling well, that special meal that she would make for you that made you know that you were home and loved, or it could even be the way that she smiled or laughed at something you said or did.  There is no spot in the world that can be replaced by Mom.  She will always have that special place in our hearts.

So before I get lost in tangents and make this post a novel dedicated to Mothers everywhere, I just want to say thank you to all the Moms out there.  You are more appreciated than you will ever know in my book.  Mothers day shouldn’t be just one day but 365.  For those of you that have lost mothers, I am right there with you and know the whole that can never be filled and will revisit her in my life, especially on this day , for the rest of my life.  For those of your whose Mom’s are still in your life, truly give thanks to her for all she has done.  Get rid of any should’ve, could’ve and would’ves and make amends with the woman that gave you life. Every day with your Mom should be a gift, regardless of how much she supposedly harps on you or overloads you with her opinions.  She is just doing all that because truly inside, as a child, her child,  you are her gift and she loves you and always will.

Until next time

Mom, me and my grandma Magda

To see or not to see…

I have to say this was the least favorite of the Ironman series.  Coming off the avengers, which had me riveted to my seat, this lackluster performance on many levels, disappointed me.  Tony begins to realize he is human and needs to slow down (what 40 something doesn’t).  There were gaps of time with sheer boredom and slow scenes that didn’t help the cohesion of the movie.  I felt as if it were piece-mealed together.  Like they had a beginning and an end and said “what do we do with the middle?”

Guy Pearce and Robert Downey delivered good performances  however, I just had a hard time relating to this movie in any way.  Ben Kingsley delivered a very unique performance and I liked the role he was given.  He can convince anyone that the sky is falling or to just relax and have a beer.  I can say that for the first time, I didn’t even relate with the super hero (a little bit, but not enough to care).  My problem is when i go pay $10 to see an action film, I expect great action, not all the time mind you, but lets say 60%.  With this film, I felt it was in the 40-60 percent.  I can also deal with less action if there is a deep seeded message that distracts me from the action and unfortunately, I didn’t feel it in this film.

This is just an opinion and opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.  I would say wait this one out.  Maybe put it on netflix cue or rent it from redbox when it comes out, but don’t rush out of your seats to see this one.  If you do see it and you disagree, please let me know.

Until next time…

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Fantastic movie and has undertones in my life

So I went to see 42 last night.  The irony is that I will be 42 this year myself.  I really had no idea what to expect with this movie.  I almost avoided it and decided on another, but after some convincing, I went to check it out.  I can say that I am not at all sorry for going to sit through this 2 hour and 8 minute movie.

Observation:   Jackie Robinson had a dream to play baseball and that is what he did.  Being the first African American to play Americas favorite game, he had to overcome many obstacles, both in his head and on the field. Do I think that racism still exists, absolutely!  Do I think it exists as it did during Jackie Robinsons day? No way.  I think being the first at anything pushes the limits and gets people hot under the collar.  This was extremely evident during this crucial time in our history.  The director did  a great job making you feel the tension in the air at the time.

One character who stood out and made you feel good throughout the whole movie was Jackie’s wife, Rachel Robinson, portrayed by Nicole Beharie.  She seemed to always believe in him and support him in everything he was going through.  This really made me think about the times and how things have changed so drastically in todays day and age.  It seems we have lost our ability to stick with anything, jobs or love.  When either gets too hard or complicated, we bail (Again this is my observation so bear with me).

Another comparison that I make is the number 42 and coinciding with my age this year. This has been one of the most difficult years of my life.  I am floundering around like a fish out of water. I am passionate about multiple things, but how do you put that on a business card?  And do people really care?  I have had numerous people say, “You should find what you are good at and do that”.   I recently made business cards up with Technolgy and social media specialist, however, thats not all that i do.  I build, I bake, I cook, I clean, I organize, I tinker, I fix, I speak, I listen, and I drink coffee (sometimes too much).  As you get older, it becomes harder to earn a living.  If Im lucky, I have 20 years at best to earn and save.  Cant do much saving unless its agressive and even then its not going to make a dent in the option of trying to retire.  I don’t see a landfall inheritance coming my way so off to plan B.  Oh wait there is no plan B

I also realize that Jackie had to struggle in his day, I don’t know how much more struggling we have to do.  Yes i know it exists in other parts of the world.  Human injustices are a minute by minute occurrence, I am dealing with here in the US.  Jackie had to ignore the comments and hate spewed his way on focus on what he loved doing which was playing baseball.  He was a pioneer.  The truth is I don’t know how much more of that we have left in our world.  I mean if you really look at it, its all been done.  As my good friend Marshall said to me 2 years ago, “Original thought is dead”  If you have an idea, I am willing to bet that if you research it, you will find out, its already been done.  There are literally hundreds of thousands of apps in the app store and probably the same in the android play store.  Many of them overlap and for some, one app my provide more of a convenience to the user than say another app.

I feel that in this life, there isn’t much I can do.  I will never cure cancer, discover some new rare element, find a new species of plant or animal, overcome racism,  or invent some super device that makes life better.  I won’t save starving kids, I won’t save anyone’s life from dying as nature has an amazing way of making that happen naturally.  I just show up (see previous post).  There are those of us that are destined for greatness, a select few, possibly chosen by the gods, the universe, buddha, or whatever you believe in, that change the way we think, cause us to change the way we act, or force us to become a force for change.  They are few but far, Richard Branson, Desmond Tutu, Jonas Salk, Mother Teresa, Ghandi, Zuckerberg, the Googleans, and Steve Jobs to name a few.  For the rest of us, maybe its just about being, showing up and appreciating?  As I have said many times, the more i learn, the less I really know.

To me,the number 42 represents change, struggle and acceptance.  Accepting who you are, what your limitations are and being okay with that.  Jackie Robinson realize he loved to play baseball and unfortunately, at the time, it was a white mans game.  The color of his skin became the focus to many that he was different, but in reality he was human.  My father once told me when i was really young, “Take a man, any man, a black man, an asian, a jewish man, a muslim and caucasian and cut open their chest and look at their heart.  The color of their blood is all the same and therefore we are all the same.”  Our experiences, our skin color, our physical appearances may be different, but in the end we are all the same, human beings.

I don’t know where I am going, I don’t know what I am doing and for now I will just be. Maybe the rest will work itself out.  I can’t get to ahead of myself.  Breathe, one foot in front of the other, appreciate and repeat.

Until next time…

So I haven’t really written that much lately.  Have been going through changes in my own life and “trying to figure things out” with me.  Have you ever tried to do that, I mean really try and “figure things out”.  I am learning that you really can’t. What you can do is show up.  Instead of trying to put everything in order, try just showing up.

I realize there are the “knowns’ and the “unknowns”.  The knowns are the things you can plan for such as taking the kids to school, running to the bank, paying a bill online, grocery shopping.  There are also the unknowns and those are the times in between the knowns.  They are a time to reflect or maybe even appreciate, never deprecate.  As humans we like to see the things we aren’t doing rather than all that we are or even sit quietly.

I have a very hard time with sitting quietly, primarily because sometimes i don’t like the silence, but what I have learned is that the silence needs to be there.  We need to silence our brains.  We don’t need to go on 24 hour clocks. We can just show up and be here and not have an expectation of what is next.

Lately, I am learning to just show up.  People ask me how I am doing and I say, “I am here”.  I don’t have to be good or bad, Just be here.  I recently came to the realization that my company that I started is NOT where my heart is.  I thought because I was in this industry, that the next logical step was to move into a solo career  and do it on my own and do something “different”  My problem was “i thought”.  It wasn’t a vision and it wasn’t obliviously clear .

I really don’t have any answers and don’t have much wisdom to offer except that sometimes not having the answers and not knowing is okay.  Its okay to sit in silence and “show up” as i do on a daily basis.  The universe has a weird way of putting you right where you need to be, when you need to be there.  I am not a guru or a prophetic teacher, i am just a dude wandering through this existence.  I take the days as they come. We don’t need to be in a hustle to get to the end as it will be brought to us in due time.  Just “show up”.

As i was writing this blog, this song came on, not by coincidence.  If you get a chance watch it and listen to the lyrics.

Love to all that have supported me and to my friends that are still around. You are all greatly appreciated.  Hope to have coffee, dinner or a chat with you soon.

Until next time…

So I have decided to go a different direction in life.  I have decided to pursue a life in technology.  I have always loved tech.  Whether it is a new phone, camera, computer, television or tablet, I love new gadgets and the technology that fuels those gadgets.  I have always been the goto guy when it comes to tech.  A perfect example is being at the coffee shop today and the guy next to me saw my two phones and asked my thoughts on them.  I shared and he appreciated the feedback.  A few minutes later he asked how to share a map location on the iphone with google maps.  I shared and he was incredibly thankful.

As many of you know, I am a tech geek and as my friend Jen called me the other day she said I am a technosexual.  I know have to figure out how to transition into this new life?  My father was in the travel industry for 40 years.  He started at 18 and died at 59 being a travel agent.  He had told me at 45 that he was tired of the industry and wanted to get out.  I told him that he could do anything he wanted.  He said that he was too old and that nobody would want to hire him.  I told him it was hogwash and that he could get a job anywhere.

I am now 41 and in the same boat.  I have done the same thing for many years and am looking to make the change.  Of course I will have to continue doing what I do for a bit, but as that has dried up this year as well, I have to begin moving faster than I thought.  I have to put the thought out there and hope the universe responds.  In the mean time I am applying with different companies on craigslist and on the web.  Another fear I have is, “what if this isn’t the direction I am supposed to go?”

There are fears and anxieties and I just have to deal with them on a daily basis.  Moment by moment.  I wont know if I made the right step until I make that step.

Until next time…